Worth It
by Aeris9919
Summary: Takes place during the 'Apprentice' episodes. Robin contemplates the turn his life has taken.


Wow, it's been a while since I wrote a Teen Titans fic, ne? New episodes FINALLY started airing, which helped with the inspiration slag I was having on this particular show. Ironically, this fic is based off of the season finale of the first season. It's written in my dear Robin's point of view. Would you expect anything less from me?

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. If I did, Betrayal would have been a much better episode! .

Worth It

_"I know it seems bad now. But trust me, you'll learn to like it."_

I can't remember being more afraid of anything than I was of those words. The fear stemmed from only one thing: truth. What if Slade was right, and I somehow became...evil. A shudder passed through my body. I knew I couldn't think like, but somehow Starfire's words kept coming back to me. Her off-handed comment on how much Slade and I were alike. Beastboy had made a similar comment mere hours ago. Did my friends truly see me in that light? Star's voice was still ringing through my communicator. I made a mental note to turn it off after I finished changing. She was begging me now. Begging me to answer her, thereby laying her worries to rest. But I couldn't answer her, not now. Not with the way things were.

"I'm saving her." I told myself firmly. "I'm saving them all." My convincing words were falling on deaf ears. I needed air.

The solution was simple, handed to me on a silver platter. I had been given the chance to save my friends and free myself from this life I had come to know. The perfect escape from the evil that had tightened itself around my heart. I ran my finger across the edge of the blade, finding delight in the sight of my own blood. Now there was a headline for the papers: "ROBIN, BOY WONDER: MASOCHIST!". I smirked bringing my finger to my lips, drowning myself in the metallic taste. Oh, if only the Titans could see me now. None of them would ever think me to contemplate suicide. But oh, if only they could know the truth. The truth about everything. I wish I had a chance to tell them. And to tell Slade he's a stupid jerk. Heh, stupid jerk; that's the lamest insult ever. At least this conversation is inside my head. But that's what insanity will do to you, I guess. It changes you. That was apparent enough. When I looked in the mirror (which was rare for me these days) I didn't see Robin. Not anymore. Robin wouldn't have given up. I have. I've given up. Damn, it felt good. I lean back, raising the knife above my head, catching a liquid blue eye in its reflection. I slowly bring my arm back down; letting my eyelids drift closed I slowly sink into the memory.

Flashback

"And this'll be your room," I offered leading our newest member into her room. "I know it doesn't look like much now, but after a paint job and a few decorations, you'll feel right at home."

"Thank you, Robin! It is simply glorious!" She gushed pulling me into a hug.

"It's no problem, Star." I was surprised that my voice could come through without a choke. Good God, she was strong! I hadn't noticed at the time, but as she pulled away a blush had graced her cheeks.

"May I ask you something?"

"Sure thing," I had answered, leaning against the wall, my arms crossed leisurely. She glanced at me reluctantly.

"I was just wondering, and please forgive me if I come off too forward, but...may I see your eyes?"

End flashback

Starfire had seemed so hopeful in that moment. It nearly broke my heart to deny her request. But she bounced right back, as she did from all disappointing blows life dealt her. Blows that I dealt her. And though she never asked again, I know she longs to see my eyes, if only to grow closer to me. I raise the knife once more. Maybe I did deserve death. I certainly didn't deserve my friends. Not after all I've put them through. I fought them. I hurt them; in more ways than one. But here was my chance to put a stop to it all. My chance to make peace with the world, and set things right.

But this meant that I would die a villain. I would be remembered for my hatred, nothing more. It was such an unsettling thought. And suicide was hardly a warriors death. I had always pictured my life ending in battle.

"What would you do?" I question the ceiling fan. Feh. We ALL know who I was asking. God, I hated that. 16-years old and still running to Bruce with my problems. True, I was really asking Bruce the ceiling fan, but I was still asking Bruce. If I hadn't already been lying down, I probably would have done so right about now.

"Robin." My he sounded cheerful. I wonder if Slade ever considered going on prozac. Now there's a scary thought.

"Yes...sir?" I grinded my teeth as the words hissed through, pulling my mask back over my eyes.

"Get down here immediately. I have another job for you." My grip on the knife tightened, the cold steel pressing against my wrist, the taste of death still lingering on my tongue. Was it worth it?

Fin.

I hope you liked it. I put a lot of thought into this one. Don't forget to review!


End file.
